The Elderly Irish Virgin

In a tiny  village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very  proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching,  and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she  dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be  the local postal clerk) to make proper "final" arrangements. As a  last wish, she informed the  

undertaker   that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her  tombstone:

"BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A  VIRGIN."

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.    A few days after the funeral, as  the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the  lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone  she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had  chosen. He  thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's  final request considering the very limited space available on the  small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma,  but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he  thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and  duly engraved, and it read as follows:

     

                        "RETURNED  UNOPENED" 

Bom fim-de-semana e até terça-feira (segunda-feira há tolerância de ponto por estas bandas)